Instructions for a Better Life

The right method is to nibble at the end, until the meat is exposed. The tip will taste like a pancake, but do not be alarmed. The reason is that nibbling does not count as a bite, and so your bites can be of uniform proportion. A well-proportioned bite cuts off the snack perpendicular to its stick. In order to do this, you will need to use your front teeth. It will hurt slightly from heat, but that is the price you pay to be consistent.

The irony is that corn dogs are hotter than hot dogs. This is the only irony. Other ironies are like straying into the wetlands and you will be eaten by a beast. You can appreciate the irony of burnt teeth. It is safe, and will keep your bites frontal. Sidebites are the enemies of good proportion. Good proportion is the enemy of anxiety.

We all have plenty of work to do.

Justis Mills edits First Stop Fiction. His work has appeared in The Bicycle Review, Leaf Garden, Ramshackle Review, and other places. In his spare time, he is probably taller than you.

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