By the delta of the piss stream
flowing from the steel door to the subway trench,
I furrowed my brow,
tried to discern my benefactor from my enemy,
searched for the egregious sin to blame
or the irrefutable virtue to cling to,
and found only life, scurrying, conniving.
Examining my smile
in the dented aluminum casing of the escalator,
it’s clear I am not what I eat, but what I dismember,
slice, crush and chemically denature.
No wonder God distrusts me so,
gives me only riddles
upon which to base my Wanted posters.
Tonight, God is a smell in the subway
—pervasive and never fully identified.
Blamed on others.
Outside me. But necessarily inside as well.
Possible to ignore. But difficult.
I am waiting for the train I paid for,
the train that will make sense of my waiting.
I’m in the market for a way
to survive without going crazy.
Colin Dodds grew up in Massachusetts and completed his education at The New School in New York City. Norman Mailer wrote that Dodds’ novel The Last Bad Job showed “something that very few writers have; a species of inner talent that owes very little to other people.” Dodds’ novels What Smiled at Him and Another Broken Wizard have been widely acclaimed by critics and readers alike. His screenplay, Refreshment – A Tragedy, was named a semi-finalist in 2010 American Zoetrope Screenplay Contest. Two books of Dodds’ poetry—The Last Man on the Moon and The Blue Blueprint—are available from Medium Rare Publishing. Dodds’ writing has also appeared in a number of periodicals, including The Wall Street Journal Online, Folio, Explosion-Proof, Block Magazine, The Architect’s Newspaper, Main Street Rag, Reno News & Review and LUNGFULL! Magazine. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, with his wife Samantha.