my grandmother

she chose him over me
i’m glad that he’s gone
he let me play on the                                                                                   railing
and didn’t stop my brother from scarring his chest on his
barbed wire                                                                                                   fence

my ma says she’s scared for me
ma says
“i can see my mother in your heart
and her mother, too, you know, my grandma walked off of a            cliff”
i say, “ma, i’m                                                                                                fine”
i work extra hours to afford her vices
and she takes pills to keep her on the right side
of grocery store                                                                                            aisles
i call her every Sunday and don’t mention the accident
on new year’s eve, because she still chooses him over                        me

Meaghan Loraas is a writer and a native Alabamian finishing her undergraduate degree in Idaho after a decade of dropping out, dropping in, moving across the country, and changing majors. Her work has previously been published in firstwriter.magazine and she’s working on a short story collection as well as a novel.

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