I don’t want to be an adult anymore.
Will MasterCard take my refund?
Or will life only take checks?
Will I receive a cashback offer for every year I delete?
I want to go back to a time where lonely meant
I was home sick from school and couldn’t see my friends.
I want to go back to a time where sad meant
My dad refusing to take me to McDonald’s because
“Saiu – poukisa? Mange à kay.”*
I want to go back to a time where frustration meant
Not getting what I wanted for Christmas.
Because now lonely means
Finding miniscule moments of comfort
In strangers’ beds,
Being afraid of silence and unanswered texts,
Caring for others who just take and take –
While I just ache.
Because now sad means
Hiding in your room is safer than
What you may face outside,
Crying over being a half-orphan,
Not understanding why some live and others die.
Being your own worst enemy.
Because now frustration means
Just wanting to give up and let go,
But 25 has got me this far and
I can’t stop now.
My curiosity has gotten the best of me and I have to see…
But, if I can get a refund, go back and stay in time
Not have to deal with just how real life got and can get and will get…
Will life take money order
Or is it just cash only?
*Creole translation: Sahina – why? Eat at home.
Sahina Jerome is a lifelong writer and artist who just recently started performing her poems and short essays at open mics in the Lower East Side. Her work explores pain, hope, and the perils of online dating. When she’s not in front of a stage freeing her creative spirit, she can be found teaching students with special needs, and attending swing dancing events in 1950s fashion. Follow her on Instagram (@themoonspeaks) to see what inspires her.