tiny poems for tiny budgets

welcome to the new prix fixe poetry
you start with two metaphors
selected from column A
then pair with two poetic devices
chosen from column B
(formulas exist for a reason)

please be advised that premium
services such as
enjambment
will incur a 99¢ surcharge
(like going supreme at Taco Bell
it’s worth every penny)

take it easy on the rhyme scheme
unless you’re drinking
goose juice with Dr. Seuss
with your necks in a noose
and loose lips on a clipper ship
painted puce
while sailing on the river Bruce
(it’s so obtuse, there’s
really no excuse)

but help yourself
to unlimited malapropisms
from the buffet
that’s what they’re there for
and if you find yourself
stuck in a pickle
you can order a deus ex machina
from the a la carte menu
(extra cheesy, yes, but sometimes
the road to denouement
is bumpy and paved with
bad decisions)

J. Archer Avary (he/him) is a former TV weatherman and founder of Sledgehammer Lit. He’s been told he makes a mean chili. Twitter: @j_archer_avary.