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Category Archives: Creative Non-fiction
Woven Heart
Don’t cry in front of the children—only at night as you rock the baby to sleep, when you lie in bed awake, when you sit in the car alone, when you drive, when you hear that song—but only when you’re … Continue reading
Fragments Of My Father
He wasn’t like anyone else’s father. That’s what I thought growing up in Brooklyn in the 1950s. It’s still what I think, now when I am almost as old as he was when he died. My father was in and … Continue reading
Waiting
Which would you rather have, good food or good sex? says my freshman crush. The question takes me off guard. At eighteen I’m pretty sure I’m the only virgin in the crowded room, all of us swilling cheap beer and … Continue reading
Upon Arriving in Sorocaba
Sorocaba, Brazil March 6th, 2022 The night bus got in at 5:00 in the morning. It was still dark. The road from Rio had been windy—I hadn’t slept much. The bus to Boituva didn’t leave until 10:00, and there wasn’t … Continue reading
The Weather of Our Names
It wasn’t exactly a meadow out there beyond the sliding door of my mother’s parents’ den but a large backyard, a double lot with plenty of space for children to play tag or catch, yet if you could excise the … Continue reading
every perfect summer’s eating me alive
time is trickling away into millions of colours, and it’s been a year since i’ve held a conversation so close, in the palm of my hand. i hope you can’t tell that i’m pacing back and forth, counting the seconds … Continue reading
Resurgence
By mid-March in western New York, in a crow’s distance from Lake Ontario, the weather begins its annual twitch. It’s the season of flux: ice versus flood. Everything is on the verge of Spring. For me, Spring starts to show … Continue reading
Busch Light
Once on Christmas morning I woke up and my dad was gone. It was weird because when I came downstairs his only pair of shoes was still neatly placed by the front door. He must have been smoking weed in … Continue reading
Quiet Depths
No heartbeat. Eight weeks into hope after so many missed opportunities, but now hope takes off and leaves on silent wings, leaving me gasping and empty. The short distance through the gauntlet of women with healthy pregnancies is an unfathomable … Continue reading
Justice Isn’t Possible: Why I Write
I watch a lot of true crime shows: Forensic Files, Dateline, Deadly anything. And one thing, amid all the grizzly horrors some human has inflicted upon another, always strikes me—not due to its surprising or particularly revelatory nature, but because … Continue reading
Coping with Unemployment While My Grandmother Is Dying
After losing my job, I moved home and attended my cousin’s wedding. The morning of, someone asked where Grandma was. I said I’d find her. I went outside and there she was wandering around the parking lot—small, curly white hair, wrinkle-eaten … Continue reading
Memorial Day Bonfire in Stanardsville, Virginia
In a half-circle, in the dark, we sit in folding chairs, in a clearing in the woods, facing the fire. By gravitation, we gay men mostly sit to the right, women to the left. Johnny offers tequila, tiny plastic cups. … Continue reading
Countdown, March 24, 2020
Zinc supplement pills are hard to find in the U.S. now, so I buy six bottles at the GMC on Calle Londres to take with me back to Virginia. Yesterday I found abundant toilet paper at the OXXO near my … Continue reading
Neon Disguises
Las Vegas: city of billboards, debauchery, and celebrity second chances; a desert oasis of burning lights and alcohol-fueled gambling binges. It’s a city with an identity crisis: a metropolis among sand dunes, a tourist haven founded on poor imitations of … Continue reading
Touch of Evil: Hades’ Soliloquy in the Dark
I. THE FILM Everyone Loses First the deficits. Some movies are dated in tone, others in plot, still others in their depiction of behaviors. Datedness in tone is the least problematic because it gives us a look back into a … Continue reading
Right Hand Girl
Luck of the draw she is in the first stages of birth. Body bulk lowering, straining, groaning, exerting. Blow flies encircle her head. Eyes wild, sickled white. Fat raft of tongue. Cloudy ropes of saliva. Contractions ripple down her flanks. … Continue reading
This Was Meant to be Tied to a Carrier Pigeon’s Ankle
There is a long line in a short song in a precariously put together playlist that expertly expels the feelings that I have for you. It is a scavenger hunt of a task where I give you a playlist of … Continue reading
Surveys, Sallyports, and Safety Scissors
The prison exists to provide the illusion that everyone outside the prison is innocent and free. —Dr. Fred Ashe, Birmingham-Southern College, 2006, paraphrasing Jean Baudrillard “I wanna study prisons.” My voice cracks as I say this, as it does whenever … Continue reading
Friends I Didn’t Make at Farm Camp
Emma, whose glasses glittered pink and yellow along the rims. When I looked at those glasses, I wanted to eat them, crunch their rock sugar-shine and suck the lenses like hard candy. When we were paired together for manure-shoveling duty, … Continue reading
Paper Animals
It was the last day. At the beginning, I had found myself counting the days. We had arrived here in the heart of winter. The little village was located up in the mountains, a place so untouched by globalisation it … Continue reading
When Comes Fire
“What is the true meaning of shelter?” Pádraig Ó Tuama God knows what time it is when a strong hand pounds the door, rings the bell incessantly, and someone yells, “Fire! Fire! Get ready to evacuate.” You open the door, … Continue reading
Drive
More than a dozen ice packs and three days later, I’m ready for action again. Jeff has invited me to meet up at Deer Valley’s MORP. Happy memories of MORP from the year prior make me eager to attend. However, … Continue reading
Open Arms
I lay wide awake in bed for a long time. I imagine the expression “in the heat of the night” typically describes a fiery tryst between two impassioned lovers. Of course, teenage boys can create sufficient friction all on their … Continue reading
A Line From Brief Encounter
In David Lean’s film, Brief Encounter, the characters played by Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard meet by chance at a commuter rail station and begin an affair. During a few clandestine meetings, first on a trip to the countryside and … Continue reading
Thumbing Down the Road
If I were asked to design a crest symbolizing my adolescent years, I’d be tempted to include an outstretched arm and raised thumb as a central feature, though the thumbs-up gesture might delude people into thinking I was a happy, … Continue reading
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