Tag Archives: Brad Rose

Her messages were composed almost entirely of cat photos. Doug hated cats. What good were they in the food chain? Despite his distaste for felines, Doug continued to receive cutesy cat-themed messages from Melvina—almost daily. He wondered how Melvina was … Continue reading →

He didn’t give a damn. It was early morning and there were no pedestrians. So he took two grenades from his son’s toy chest (they looked so real that not even a Special Forces soldier could tell the difference), peeled … Continue reading →

Every story really ends in the middle, and Bixby knew his would be no different. Except for his new running shoes and white athletic socks, he was completely nude, as he sat in the driver’s seat of his mother’s Ford, … Continue reading →

It’s blank and oblong. Your spray-on tan fades rapidly. You’re thirsty as a Giraffe—all the time. The food is terrible, especially the meat. The funny thing is, you call your dog, and he still comes. For the first time, you … Continue reading →

You take the crazy pill, fail to follow Robert’s rules of order. I hunger to edit your mistakes, but before I can, I can’t stop myself from mentally reciting your charms: wrecking yard candy, imposter magician, agonyecstasy actress, electrocution asteroid, glittering diamond … Continue reading →

Hunter Goddard realized he needed to change his name. No one—absolutely no one—could be successful in the porn business with a WASPy name like that. His wife suggested, “Power Hips,” but he preferred something a little more ethnic, like “Max … Continue reading →

The museum guard watches me as I look at the Degas. Her legs are tired and her face is a sketch of cross-hatch shadows. She is paid a little more than the minimum wage to watch the watchers. It is … Continue reading →

$550 million Powerball win. We hacked Bank of America for the money to buy the tickets. “Artificial intelligence,” they said. Hell of a lot better than the real thing. What do we do now? I say we buy a pet … Continue reading →

So she’s friggin’ dancin’ on the piano already, her stilettos capsized next to the piano bench, and I haven’t even had a drink yet, but that doesn’t have the least bearing on the situation, so you can forget that I mentioned that … Continue reading →